Erotic Massage 101 Article

In our culture, we sorely lack in physical contact with each other. In other countries, especially the Mediterranean, touch is very important. It doesn’t always mean that the person who’s touching wants sex. It’s not considered sexual harassment. Humans need that caring physical contact, on a daily basis.

That’s what’s so wonderful about massage. It allows us to experience that sensual world of touch without the pressures of having sex. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with ending a massage with sex, but what’s important is it doesn’t have to end that way. Massage is a wonderful way to get close and sensual with someone you care deeply about. Below are some different techniques to help you expand your massage repertoire.

First, we must cover the basics:

  • The best place to give a massage is while your partner is lying on a table or the floor, padded with some blankets. A great blanket to use is the Liberator Fascinator Throe, it provides comfort, while protecting your floor, carpet and bed from unnecessary stains. The bed is usually where most massages happen, but it does not provide enough of support for your partner’s back and may also put unnecessary strain on it.
  • A massage is best if given to nude person. If your partner does not want to be nude, then a bathing suit or underwear is good too. A massage is more sensual and erotic when you can both feel skin touching skin.
  • Since a massage is best without clothes or with as little as possible, the room should be heated and free from drafts. A temperature of 70 degrees or above is usually good. Just make sure you don’t make it too hot either.
  • Make sure you have some type of massage oil. A lubricated body massage feels much better than a dry one. Lubrication means no friction and easy glide. There are many massage oils available on the market today. Most are scented and some are even edible. It’s always good to keep your massage oil warm. Cold oil and hands can not only kill the mood, but also cause discomfort. To do this, just keep the bottle of oil immersed in a bowl of hot tap water. And rub the oil into your hands, so they stay warm too.
  • If your massage will include the male genitals then oil, water or silicone based lubes and even the massage oil itself are all okay. A water or silicone based lube is okay to use on women’s genitals. Oil based lube and massage oils are NOT recommended if anything will be inserted into the vagina, i.e. fingers, toys, etc. because oil does not flush out easily, which can promote bacterial growth  resulting in a yeast infection.
  • Make the massage room a sensual environment. Dim the lights, light some candles, turn on some sexy, relaxing music, and most importantly, turn off the ringer on your phone (house, cell, beeper). For a successful massage, you must be free from distractions. It’s all about you and your partner becoming one with each other.
  • Before starting any massage, make sure you are relaxed, yourself. There’s nothing worse than an uptight masseuse giving a very rough massage.

Okay now that we have our supplies and our room set, let’s talk about some techniques. The best massage is one that focuses on the entire body. For ease of instruction, we’ll focus on the separate areas of the body. For the purpose of this article, your partner is lying on his/her stomach.

Neck and Shoulders

The neck and shoulders are a great place to begin because an awful lot of tension is kept there. The sooner you start to work out those knots the more relaxing your partner will be for the rest of the massage, resulting in more enjoyment. Apply a dime-size drop of oil into your palms and rub your hands together to make sure your hands are warm, then fan your hands out on his/her upper back and align your thumbs about an inch away from each other on either side of the spinal cord.

Using tips of your fingers and thumb, not your nails, gently grip your partner’s shoulders and knead the skin. But make sure you grab a good amount of skin as to not pinch. And don’t do it hard and fast. The key is slow and gentle. If you don’t use gentle pressure, your partner will tense up and by pulling and pushing against a tense muscle, you could bruise it. So take it easy.

Another good technique on the neck is to place one hand on either side of the neck and apply a small amount of pressure. Then move your hands in a circular motion. Remember slow and gentle circles. As your doing this, work your hands up behind your partner’s ears and back down to the shoulders.

Back, Sides and Buttocks

At this point you can work your way down your partner’s back. Now the back is the center of any massage because it is composed of three large groups of muscles. Continue this circular motion with both hands on each side of the spine. And spread out your hands and the area you cover to include the sides and lower back too. Now try some light feathery touches all over the back, sides and lower back. Use both hands, one on each side of the spine and rub in a diagonal motion from the spine out.

Use small, quick strokes. After that lightly rub your hands all over your partner’s back. One key to a good massage is after you do anything that may be a little on the rougher side, do something light, smooth and soft to connect all those areas you just worked on. Now you’re ready to tackle the buttocks. Using the inside of your forearm, slowly rub one butt cheek at a time in large circular motions. When finished with that, make a fist and roll your knuckles, one by one, over the the triangular bone at his/her lower back. This is another area that holds an awful lot of stress. So take care when applying pressure.


Kneel at your lover’s side, oil up your hands and grab his/her ankle and knead with your thumbs and fingers all the way up his/her leg. Do not use too much pressure behind the knees because it could injure sensitive veins. Once you reach the thighs, rub your entire hands in a circular motion and knead the skin. Just be careful, the thighs can be a highly erogenous zone, so if you want to finish your massage, make sure you take care.


Now here’s a very sensitive area of the body. Massaging the feet can sometimes be like massaging the soul. Some people can also be very ticklish, so it might do you good to find out beforehand, so your lover doesn’t start flailing about when you accidentally tickle him/her. If your lover has very ticklish feet make sure you use a firmer grip and apply more pressure. Most of the time, a lighter touch is what drives people crazy. If he or she is super sensitive, then you might want to avoid the feet altogether.

If you decide to massage the feet, here’s some techniques. Grab his/her foot, soles of feet facing you with thumbs on soles and fingers on top of feet. Move your thumbs in a circular motion while applying pressure to the balls of the feet. Then massage each toe by lightly squeezing it between your thumb and index finger, then gently pulling on each one.

Head and Face

The best way to end a massage is by massaging your lover’s head and face. This brings it full circle and also brings you closer to your lover, allowing the two of you to be intimate with each other. A head massage can be wonderfully relaxing and arousing. Of course, to massage the head, you don’t need any massage oil. You might actually want to have a towel handy so you can wipe your hands off before the head massage.

Start by gently stroking your fingers through his/her hair. If his/her hair is long make sure you don’t get your fingers stuck in knots, so be careful. Using the tips of your fingers, gently knead his/her head, the whole head. Work your way over to the temples and use the tips of your first two or three fingers. Gently rub in a circular motion. Then lightly run your fingers across his/her entire face. 

Using your finger tips lightly tap his/her face, like raindrops were falling from the sky. With your thumb and first finger, rub your lover’s earlobes and ears. Then lightly run your hands over his/her eyes, eyebrows and lastly lips. If you want to get more intimate, gently kiss your lover on the eyelids, tip of nose and lips.

I have provided you with some basic massage techniques. There are many more techniques for you and your lover to share, so I highly recommend Nina Hartley’s Guide to Erotic Massage  to expand your knowledge and improve the techniques that are discussed here.

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My name is Ann Andriani. Since 1999, I've helped millions of folks sort through their questions and curiosities about sex. I hope that you enjoy your stay with me and benefit from my thoughts and sex advice.